The New Me – Peace Isn’t Laziness

Today I’m sitting on my balcony, still in my pajama top, slippers on my feet, my little afro puff doing just enough until my braid appointment on Wednesday. I’m scrolling the internet with absolutely no motivation to do anything.

And for the first time in my life, that feels perfectly okay.

Seven or ten years ago, this version of me would have been unrecognizable.

If I had a day off, I couldn’t sit still. I had to be accomplishing something. Cleaning. Cooking. Running errands. Planning the next outing. Organizing something. Helping someone. Proving my worth through productivity.

So much of my energy wasn’t even for me.

I was preparing meals for other people to enjoy. Planning experiences so someone else could have fun. Filling every empty space on my calendar because I somehow believed that staying busy meant I was valuable.

Looking back now, I realize I was constantly pouring from my cup, rarely stopping to see if there was anything left for me.

Today?

I don’t care that my hair isn’t done.

I don’t care that I’m makeup-free.

No bra—that’s the standard in this house.

I’m clean. I took my shower. I’m comfortable. And that’s enough.

I’ll have plenty of energy when it’s time to travel. I’ll explore, laugh, walk, learn, and make memories. Then I’ll come home and rest again.

I’ve finally learned something that took me more than six decades to understand:

Not every day requires maximum effort.

Some days are for restoring.

Some days are for simply existing.

Some days are for protecting your peace.

I’ve stopped believing I have to earn rest. Rest isn’t a reward anymore. It’s part of living well.

This is my 180 degree moment.

I’m becoming someone who preserves her energy instead of giving it away so freely. I spend it when it matters, on people who matter, and most importantly, on myself.

These days, the people who benefit most from me are me… and my grandson.

Everyone else gets what’s left after I’ve taken care of the woman I’ve spent a lifetime putting last.

And I like her.

I like this peaceful warrior.

She’s still strong. She still knows how to breathe fire when she needs to. That dragon is still there.

But she no longer lives in battle mode.

She no longer feels guilty for sitting still.

She no longer measures her worth by how exhausted she is at the end of the day.

She has discovered that peace isn’t laziness.

Peace is freedom.

Tena Mae girl…

You have certainly come a long way.

And this isn’t the old you making a comeback.

This is the woman you’ve been becoming all along.

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A Note About AI: This blog may have been created with the assistance of multiple AI platforms for historical research, fact-checking, writing support, and image generation. Every idea, perspective, and final edit reflects my voice and my commitment to sharing thoughtful, well-researched stories.

— Tena