Journal entry turned “Blog.”

Fresh cut & braids. 05/2026

Honestly, I started this “solitary single journey” over a year ago — 15 months, but who’s counting? (Definitely me 😌)

No dating.
No desire to date.
No desire to be in a relationship.

Single… and genuinely loving it.

And what’s important is this:

This season wasn’t forced on me.

I deliberately and intentionally chose it.

After years of caring more about how other people felt… compromising myself not to hurt feelings… accepting emotional weight that didn’t belong to me… overextending, explaining, adjusting, accommodating, and settling…I finally relented.

And somewhere inside that surrender, I found peace.

Learning to Enjoy My Own Company

I’ve traveled alone.
Gone to cultural events alone.
Taken myself to beautiful dinners — with dessert included 😌

Cooked exactly what I wanted, when I wanted.

Breakfast for dinner.
Greens for breakfast.

Reading whenever I feel like it.
Sleeping until whenever I wake up.

And at 64 years old, this is the first time in my life I’ve truly experienced “doing life” alone.

That’s real for me.

I’ve had a “significant other” since I was 15 years old.

What I’ve discovered during these past 15 months is this:

Solitude can be the greatest form of self-love ❤️‍🔥

If you can sit comfortably with yourself — without anxiety, without needing constant noise, distraction, validation, attention, or companionship — that’s growth.

That’s healing.

That’s self-love.

Some days I don’t even turn the television on until 6 PM for the evening news. I can go all day in silence now.

And I know for sure:

I genuinely like my own company.

The Freedom of Not Negotiating Every Moment

One of the things I’ve grown to adore is not feeling obligated to constantly ask:

“Would you like to…?”
“What do you want to do?”
“What’s the plan?”
“What time?”
“Where and what do you want to eat?”
“Is this okay?”
“Can we…?”

Blah blah.
Blah blah blah 😮‍💨

You see, acts of service is my love language. Naturally, I give. Constantly. Thoughtfully. Automatically.

But what I’ve realized is this:

When you spend a lifetime emotionally coordinating around another person’s wants, moods, schedule, energy, and comfort… you can slowly lose yourself in the process — and you begin to see who serves and gives to you.

There’s a quiet freedom in no longer negotiating every moment of your life.

I decide.

And honestly?

That level of peace is hard to surrender once you experience it.

Relationships Are Real Work And I Don’t Have the Energy

And when I say relationships — especially romantic ones — are work!

I mean real work.

Not posting pictures.
Not saying “I want love.”
Not enjoying someone sometimes. And not when everything is going well.

I mean the daily work 💩

Being kind when you’re irritated.
Being considerate when you’d rather think only about yourself.
Communicating.
Listening.
Being respectful at all times.
Being loving even on the days you’re tired as 💩 and don’t necessarily feel loving.

That’s the work.

And a lot of people say they want relationships, but they put forth very little effort.

They don’t grow.
They don’t stretch.
They don’t examine themselves.

They remain the same.

They want the comfort of companionship without the responsibility of maintaining it.

Protecting My Peace At This Stage Of Life

This solitary season alone taught me something important:

Any relationship entering my life now has to be worth the effort!

Worth me leaving my peaceful home.
Worth me putting on a bra and getting dressy.
Worth leaving my Charlie and my creature comforts.
Worth sharing my space, energy, time, food, and peace with.

Because if I allow someone into my world, I want to show up fully — hospitable, thoughtful, loving, intentional, and present without exhausted. It can be exhausting.

It can’t take more effort than it’s worth.

Love is not just a feeling. It’s maintenance.
It’s patience. It’s emotional labor.
It’s consistency.
It’s choosing someone over and over again every day while life is lifing.

And at this stage of my life…

Peace comes first.

So any relationship entering my life must add to my peace — not compete with it.

Now let me be clear:

I’m not anti-love. By no means.
I’m not bad-mouthing relationships either.
Healthy love is beautiful 💞 And they should make your life easier; not give you more to do.

But after finally learning how to fully enjoy my own company, I now understand somethings I didn’t understand before:

Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing.

And if I ever choose partnership again, it will be because someone genuinely enhances my life — not because I’m afraid to sit alone with myself.

So I’ll ask you this:

What are you deliberately and intentionally choosing in this season of your life?

If you enjoyed this blog, please like ❤️, comment 🗣️ , and subscribe/follow! I’d really appreciate your support.

You can follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Substack – I’m also playing with reels and content on TikTok—sharing what life in my 60s is really like.

This blog “may have been “ created with the assistance of multiple AI platforms for images, research to ensure accuracy, and clarity in writing. Vr Tena

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