I’ve been thinking about this for a minute.

We spend a lot of time talking about how to raise daughters to find “good men.” But what about raising sons to be good men?

And then I had to ask myself—
Are we teaching them the same foundation or just different.

Because if we’re not careful, we end up raising:

• Daughters who overgive and overstay
• Sons who under-communicate and under-deliver

And then we wonder why relationships feel so hard.

Let’s talk about it!

For the sake or our sons and daughters. 

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 What I Taught My Daughters

I realized I didn’t raise my daughters to be chosen. I never have and from my own observations, they are hugely independent. I often wonder if they’re too independent? But can one be too independent.

My goal has always been for them to choose wisely.

That means:

• Don’t fall in love with potential
• Pay attention to patterns and red flags, not promises
• If you’re confused or have to guess, that’s your answer
• Peace over pressure—every single time
• And always remember, you are the MF’in prize! Women have always been the prize

I taught them:
You don’t have to shrink, chase, or audition for anyone.

If a man cannot meet you where you are—that is not your assignment to fix.

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I Would Teach My Sons

If I had sons, I wouldn’t teach them how to “get” a woman.

I would teach them how to sustain a loving relationship.

And what it looks like:

• Communicating clearly—even when it’s uncomfortable
• Being consistent—not just charming
• Respecting boundaries — always 
• Taking accountability without deflection
• Respect is nonnegotiable

Because let me say this plainly:

Charm might get you attention.
Character, emotional intelligence, and smarts keeps you in the house.

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 What Must Stay the Same

Now here’s the part we don’t talk about enough.

Some things are NOT gender-specific. 

They are human requirements for healthy love!

For both daughters and sons:

• Emotional intelligence (EI) is important; don’t have EI, develop it 
• “Consistency” consistently builds trust (yup)
• Accountability is maturity—-practice “I’m wrong/incorrect” and “I’m sorry” 
• Self-respect sets the standard for how others treat you

And this right here?

You cannot expect healthy love if you are not showing up healthy yourself! Read that again, please. 

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 The Truth We Avoid

A lot of people are not looking for partners.

They are looking for:

• validation
• attention
• someone to fill a void
• a place to live 

That’s how we end up in relationships that are misaligned.

So no—I didn’t prepare my daughters to “find somebody.”

I prepared them to:

• know themselves
• trust themselves
• walk away when something doesn’t feel or smell right

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 Final Thought

I didn’t raise daughters to be chosen.
And I would raise sons the same way. 

Raise both to understand this:

Love is not something you chase.
It’s something you align with—when you are whole enough to recognize it and mature enough to sustain it. Period.

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Call to Action:
If you’re raising young adults, mentoring teenaged, or just doing your own inner work—start here.

The relationship you build with yourself will always set the tone for the ones you accept.

Please share!

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#pocahontasavenue #lifecoaching #relationshipwisdom #blackwomenheal #emotionalintelligence #choosewisely #selfworth #growthmindset

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This blog “may have been “ created with the assistance of multiple AI platforms for images, research to ensure accuracy, and clarity in writing. Vr Tena

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